By Michelleelley, December 17, in Questions about Asexuality.
I think maybe the hardest part about realizing we are asexual may be differentiating between sexual attraction and objective attractiveness. I spent a lot of time trying to discover who which sex I was sexually attracted to. The thing was, that I didn't have anything to compare it to.
I think I realized a little earlier that I have a lower sex drive than most, just because of how often it's talked about. But I don't exactly have a model for what sexual attraction feels like for females. When watching a movie with friends, and they say how hot the actor is, I can agree and say that, objectively, he is really good looking. But are they feeling something, physiologically, that I'm not able to? Perhaps this isn't the perfect place to ask a question like this, to a group of other asexuals: It's kind of "Asexual what does sexual attraction feel like" if you're color-blind, and you think you can see colors, because you never had anything to compare it to.
I wish I could give some input, but I don't get any form of sexual attraction. I can see aesthetic beauty But I still lack the sexual attraction portion.
I think it's highly individual.
I'm sexual and yet I've never had any special feelings about actors or singers. For me personally, sexual attraction means simply that I want to be sexual with the person I'm in love with. What I do remember though, for the first 32 years of my existence before I heard about asexuality, is that people always used to annoy me when carrying on about how "hot" people are, and how they'd "tap that", or "give her a hard one" or whatever.
It always seemed like some kind "Asexual what does sexual attraction feel like" massive exaggeration of macho bravado to me, and I simply thought I'm the quiet introvert and everyone else just likes to talk like that even though they don't really mean it literally. Eventually I had a few moments which connected the dots for me just before I found AVEN, where I realised that what I'm seeing in people is just a totally sexually-neutral aesthetic appreciation, with maybe a dash of non-sexual romantic attraction in the case of certain cute females, sometimes.
But I think I can imagine what happens with other people: I guess with sexual guys, this attraction can project right through to thinking about sex with them straight away, but with me that brain connection just doesn't get made. No matter who I look at. But it's also a bit of a chicken and egg problem - because I don't really think of sex as a Asexual what does sexual attraction feel like I'd want to do with people by itself either, so it's hard to see "attraction" for something in random people when you don't even desire that thing for its own sake anyway.
I've never felt it either, but I guess it would be like a combination of a psychological and a physiological urge to get nekkid with that person. At the most basic, it's a gut feeling. You want to be near this person to whom you are attracted. You want to touch them, even if in a non-sexual way.