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Stop being boring

opinion

If you want to be heard, to be in the moment with someone, and connect with others then you must break out of slipstream conversations and interrupt expectations.

That means ditch the boring and expected chitchat in favor of compelling relationship-building dialogues. A friend would ask me for the time. My first response was always the same: Then he would smile, and ask the question again. In the end, I would say if he was right. How often do you ask a question and, like my friend, not be actively listening for the response? It may be asking the time, how someone is or directions and you have to ask again and you didn't hear the answer.

This is not a matter of an imperfect auditory pathway; "Stop being boring" a matter of an imperfect interaction process. The way we communicate is changing.

well-planned. Here's how not to...

It's become rapid, fast, and extremely transactional, the result of how our interactions have adapted to our modern lifestyles and it's influence it had on our conversations. We've become transactional in our busyness, in our texts, and Stop being boring our tweets. It's also spilled over into how we want Stop being boring completed. Every day we lock into habitual conversations, we ask questions and get answers as part of routine interactions that add little, if anything, to our relationships.

Think about what could happen if you actually asked better questions. When a child or partner comes home from school or work, the oft-mumbled question is, "How was your day? Chances are his or her face will light up and a real conversation will ensue. This is a question that does something, and it gets something in return. This is actually an interaction, an approach to encourage thought, discourse and most of all, a level "Stop being boring" caring.

In contrast, boring and tired questions like "what time is it" or "how was your day" are little more than polite noise that our auditory cortex simply filters out. Most of us have experienced the ask-the-vanilla question-that-has-to-be-repeated and we still don't hear the answers.

It's like our brains are saying, "OK, the next noise you hear Stop being boring going to be important. I'm not advocating that everything you say has to have an element of surprise or that every sentence needs to finish with the word avocado or some such gibberish to get people's attention.

But, when you need to connect, do it! Looking around most rooms of people these days it's easy to see that we need more present conversations. Using real language and enjoying it does more than avoid boredom, it actually provokes the pleasure centre region in the brain; the nucleus accumbens fires up from the engaged interaction, with results in having a heightened awareness, alertness, and concentration.

Your convo-partner then focuses on what you're saying, and thanks to a shot of the brain chemicals dopamine and noradrenaline, it's highly likely that person won't be able to stop thinking about how much they enjoy being around you hint hint for the single and sales people brainbonus. Stop being boring these kinds of remarkable conversations with others doesn't take any more effort, and certainly doesn't have to take any extra time.

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