I thought I was always pretty good at letting go. I looked at my friends and their The commitment phobe and was never envious of their genuine devotion toward one another, of what seemed like an honest correlation of love and friendship. God, that word scared me. Maybe I was still pretty young. Maybe I still am. I wanted to travel. Some former partners thought so.
I spent five months in Europe alone and broke it off with anyone that was holding me back from anything I really wanted to do. This is what it means to be self-sufficient: If for some reason everyone in your life decided to pull a disappearing act, you know you would be alright on your own.
That is pretty self-explanatory, right? There have been a lot of relationships where I required a significant amount of independence. I wanted to stay whole. I thrived on my self-reliance and constant need to escape. I thought it made me less vulnerable to heartbreak.
I had all the power because I was the less emotional one. Or so I thought.
What happens when you are always the one who keeps one foot near the door? You never get fully immersed into the relationship, never open up wholeheartedly to "The commitment phobe" person standing in front of you. They can sense it. They can tell you are a ticking bomb.
If The commitment phobe feel an inkling of probable heartache lurking in the corners, you are out the door. This makes relationships hard, short-lived, and not very enjoyable.
So you decide to try it. You give yourself away, earnestly and irrevocably. You tell them everything. All of a sudden, your mouth is running water. You open up like an egg and watch your insides spill right out of you like yolk.
You feel relieved, honestly. You start to wonder why you were so afraid before. All those years, running and hiding from love were such a waste. Maybe this can be a good change. You find yourself…getting attached.
Suddenly, another side of you starts to emerge. A side of you that you knew existed but kept tucked away.
Because now you are over-thinking everything. Now you are jealous and skeptical. You feel like you are stuck, like you are sinking rapidly in quicksand. The problem is what will happen when he leaves. You wonder if this is the reason you kept yourself at a distance for so long, and wonder if it is even worth it to try. Standing on the edge of this frightening whirlwind romance, you are suddenly aware that you have to decide.
And so you jump. Sign in Get started. Never miss a story from Be Yourselfwhen you sign up for Medium. Get The commitment phobe Get updates. I played the commitment phobe—and it worked. He had a history of humping and dumping, but within three months he was giving me a speech.
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