On a Friday night in downtown Palo Alto — just a stone's throw from Stanford University, office buildings and the technology hub of San Jose — the college bars and vegan restaurants lining San jose dating streets teemed with single men.
But at Nola, a Creole-themed bar with notoriously bad service, Erika, 25, wasn't having much luck meeting single guys. However, none of the maybe 30 men surrounding us were eager to start a conversation," Erika, who lives in nearby Jose, told Mic.
But it's par for the course in the sunny suburban sprawl of San Jose and the surrounding Bay Area cities, home to technology giants like Facebook, Google and Cisco, where college-educated single men outnumber women.
Author Jon Birger cited San Jose or " Man Jose ," as it's called as one of the few cities in America where women can afford to be "more picky" due San jose dating a surfeit of eligible single men.
But behind the statistics lies a very different story. Despite being outnumbered by men who possess all the stereotypical "marriage material" qualifications, such as a college education and a job, women in San Jose told Mic that dating isn't actually any easier there than anywhere else.
Even in a so-called single woman's "paradise," the quest to find a real connection is just as arduous as ever. Hookup culture is just as active. Even in a city where women are in short supply, which theoretically should lead to a greater focus on serious dating, casual, short-term dating is just as common among millennials in San Jose as it is in cities like New York.
Not a bad thing, but definitely more filtering and sifting," she said. While these women arrive thinking the are in their favor, they eventually realize the local dating culture doesn't prioritize marriage as they had hoped.
While there tends to be adequate opportunity for 'dating' experiences, some women complain San jose dating how difficult it can be to shift from serial dating to settling down with someone in a committed relationship.
Delaying marriage isn't a trend limited to Silicon Valley.
Sure, there are more men, but they're not all easy to date. Most of the women Mic spoke with said there are a lot of smart, successful men in San Jose, and it's not difficult to meet them. In fact, the biggest advantage women cited was the wide variety of men in the city, from "tech nerds" to jocks to career-minded businessmen. But just because there are more potential partners out there doesn't San jose dating it's any easier to find a compatible match.
And in the tech capitol of the United States, many women said there is a higher concentration of socially inept men than in other cities. Alexandra, 25, told Mic that, in her experience, there's some truth to the awkward "tech guy" stereotype.
On the other end of the spectrum is a subset of club-going men who troll for hookups San jose dating bars and are "pushy," according to Kristen.
Casey, 23, hypothesized that the gender imbalance is to blame for this behavior: With fewer women around, competition increases, resulting in a higher-than-average proportion of hyper-determined, sexually frustrated men on the prowl.
Women aren't even necessarily trying to date. But the reason why Silicon Valley is far from a bachelorette's paradise has nothing to do with the gender ratio. It has to do with the fact that many women aren't even actively pursuing relationships to begin with, preferring to focus on careers, graduate school and friendships rather than settling down.
That means that the women and men who work in these industries have to make an effort to go out and find those dateable singles, and it's not necessarily effort they're San jose dating to expend.
Nancy, 25, said when she's with her male friends and colleagues, the focus is on having a good time, not dating each other. Dating is just as difficult anywhere you go. If nothing else, single women's struggles in San Jose prove that even when women are literally knee-deep in eligible bachelors, they still have the same dating difficulties — balancing work with play, fending off creeps and dealing with commitment-phobes — as other singles around the country.
Even if experts would have us believe otherwise, dating is not a numbers game. Making a true connection takes time, dedication, openness, social skills and perhaps a bit of luck, no matter how many statistics tell us where the best city to find a spouse is.
In the end, gender ratios don't matter nearly as much as the other factors that go into finding love. Chemistry, personality, lifestyle, situation, values and timing still have to sync up, and none of that can be boiled down to numbers.
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