Please refresh the page and retry. I was happily married for 15 years and a proud dad. But at an office party I ended up kissing a colleague. I wanted to end it but it was a thrill and ego boost. Then my wife found out and left me. I was very shocked and begged her for a second chance.
I tried to win her back by making her jealous. I told her if she left me I would start dating the woman from work. Next thing I knew, the woman from work started acting like we were an item.
I have ruined my chances with my wife, but would like her to forgive me. She was meant to be a no-strings flirt. I was meant to be married. I know how all this happened. And I imagine everyone reading this will know as well. All of the things that took place here were choices YOU made.
They may not have been especially wise choices, and it seems you regret many of them.
B egin with the woman from work. Given she has liked you for a while, and believes you are an item, she is liable to be very hurt, bewildered and upset about you finishing with her. There is no need to be cruel or unpleasant, or make unfavourable comparisons with your ex-wife. Avoid getting into lengthy discussions, a return to sexting, or any of the kind of game playing you previously attempted with your ex-wife. A s you both work together it may make things very awkward, so make a plan to be professional and calm.
I t already sounds like there has been a fair amount of excitement and drama your life. Firstly the party, then the sexting, then the breakup with your wife, and now having to end things with the woman from work.
There is potential for this to become more of a crisis. Not in real life, or across social media. Y ou want her forgiveness, but that will only come by you acting in ways My wife is dating a woman are assertive, respectful, and self-aware. In your letter you describe yourself as a "proud father", and it would be a shame that all of the chaos in your life affected your ability to be a good parent.
Focusing on your children, enjoying their company, plus sorting out co-parenting will be very good for you - and them. F orgiveness from either woman is going to be too much to ask at this point, and unfair for you to expect. Leave them to get on with their lives, acknowledge the difficulties you have caused each of them, and note the role you played in all of this. You may find after you have ended the relationship with the woman from work, and dealt with the fall-out there; that the loss of your marriage is more acute.
It may feel to you like a bereavement and it might be harder to cope with, given your actions led to this conclusion. S ome people find therapy useful to look back over the reasons for a relationship ending, to deal with future relationships should they happen more assertively, or to think about My wife is dating a woman to co-parent in positive ways.
You caused this - but you can also fix this. People make mistakes yet can rebuild their lives if they are careful and thoughtful.
Petra Boynton is a social psychologist and sex researcher working in International Health Care and studying sex and relationships.
Petra cannot print answers to every single question submitted, but she does read all your emails. Please note that by submitting your question to Petra, you are your permission for her to use your question as the basis of her column, published online at Wonder Women.
All questions will be kept anonymous and key details, facts and figures may change to protect your identity. Petra can only answer based on the information you give her and her advice is not a substitute for medical, therapeutic or legal advice.
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