On my blog, I write predominantly about marriage and sex, and because of that, women who face problems in the bedroom often email me.
And the most common complaint? I just want my husband to want it some of the time! You feel like a freak. Part of the problem may be how to make your husband want you and the other part may be medical. In one of the surveys that I took for this book, 23 percent of the female respondents stated that they had the higher sex drive . Here are some of the causes.
About five million American men suffer from low testosterone, the hormone responsible for sexual arousal.
If your husband seems to have a low libido, try to convince him to have it checked out. A simple blood test can verify whether he does indeed have low hormone levels. In some cases, male low libido is simply a physical issue. Fat cells produce estrogen which works against testosterone—the libido builder—in men.
The more estrogen, the less desire. Flee from hops, and the beer gut will go away too! Another huge libido stealer for men is pornography. The more men are into pornography, the less they are into sex in real life. Porn trains the brain to be aroused by the image, not the relationship. If your husband is into pornography, get help.
Talk to a pastor. Talk to a mentor.
Addiction to porn will lower his libido, but so will addiction to just about anything. The problem is not so much that your husband is rejecting you sexually as it is that, because he is so consumed with something else, he is unable to feel aroused or excited. That consuming feeling is very difficult for him to fight against. Look for addiction recovery groups in your area to get advice on steps you can take to help him. And work provides an awfully strong temptation because men tend to thrive when they feel competent.
For many men, that place is work. They derive such satisfaction from building a business, earning money or prestige, or just working hard and accomplishing something that all of their passion, drive, and energy are devoted to work, not you.
Create a home where you laugh and where you demonstrate respect and love. Carve out time to value him and have fun with him so that home life becomes a haven and a source of strength for him too. Often when there is a problem in the marriage, it shows up in the "How to make my husband more sexually active." But because the symptom is in the bedroom, we often think the solution is too.