You seem like you might be a pretty non-judgmental person, so I'm hoping you can bring that view to my problem. I'm a married guy who has been having an affair for almost a year.
I love my wife and our kids and our life together but our sex life has become quite boring for me. I am also in love with a beautiful woman that I met at my gym. She's a bit younger than me and seems totally fine with the fact that I'm married and can't be a full-time partner to her. This arrangement has been working out great for me.
I don't think my wife suspects anything, in fact she seems really happy these days maybe because I have been. There are just two problems here - guilt, obviously, because I know this would shatter my wife if she knew.
And a growing obsession with this other woman. She says she's not seeing anyone else, but she often takes a long time to return text messages, and I keep wondering what she's up to when I'm home with my wife on a Saturday night.
I feel pulled in two directions - I don't want to break up my family, but I want more from this other woman than I'm getting.
Your thoughts would be appreciated. My girlfriend sabotages my diet.
In love with your gym bunny — or in lust? I'm not judgmental of people who struggle with long-term monogamy.
When people ask me about fidelity, I suggest they think of their favourite dish, then imagine eating it — breakfast, lunch and dinner — for the rest of their lives. Would it remain their favourite? But while some of us recognise that we're not cut out for 'till death do us part' and live our lives accordingly, you on the other hand have made a commitment to your wife and by extension to your children and nobody wants to be living a lie.
And here's one thing I know about infidelity: If you were to leave your wife for this woman, much of that mystery and excitement she currently brings would evaporate.
That forbidden fruit would turn rancid. Have you stopped to consider why your wife is happier — aside from surmising it's reflective of your happiness? Judging from our escorts' feedback, it was no surprise these men's wives had lost interest; the majority were pretty one-dimensional in the sack.
This was not entirely their fault as women are often uncomfortable discussing their desires or sexual unhappiness. Do you want to be with your wife or not? Don't mention your indiscretion as that's just self-indulgent guilt sharing. Ask her if she's satisfied with your sex life.
What can you do to improve it? Make it clear that this is about getting closer, not a critique.
I'm not a marriage guidance counsellor, nor do I, personally, subscribe to marriage in its current form, but if your family is where your heart is, this is where you should direct your energy.
Her Ted Talk on infidelity with over 7. Jennifer Souness has had an unusual life.