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For months, the pair had been fighting more and more. Jim had been distracted, their relationship was increasingly strained. It was at the climax of one of their arguments that the truth came tumbling out. Around the world, many gay men are married to women. Twice a month they gather for two hours to share stories.

They laugh, they cry, they gossip. He patiently explains to them that the group is actually for gay men in heterosexual marriages. Steven Bloom - who runs a Sydney based group - has over men on his email list.

Judging by the emails, phone calls and website hits he receives, he estimates that there are thousands more Australians in similar situations. In the end, one way or another, almost all men who reach out to the group end up coming out. In most cases they do this on their own terms, but sometimes they are outed when wives discover emails, internet histories, Grindr use or text conversations. When he got married, Jim knew something was different.

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