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This is the question posed by the man opposite me, the man with whom I am on a date. A first date, I might add. In a trendy, Soho cafe, surrounded by people. I look around nervously. Before I've had a chance to utter the words: I want to die.

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I want the ground to swallow me up. It is as cringeworthy to me as an episode of Fawlty Towerswith Basil running around beating Manuel senseless with a frying pan.

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